This story, republished from The Washington Post‘s ‘Miss Manners,’ is making national headlines as a hotly-debated etiquette issue. What are your thoughts? What would you do/have done if it was your daughter?
So now we have 30 people we are apologizing to and feeling extremely embarrassed by her rude behavior. People graciously left monetary gifts, which my daughter didn’t bother to open. On top of it all, her grandparents flew in from out of town, and she was extremely rude to them and didn’t spend any time talking or thanking them for coming.
So what do we do with the gifts? Do we send back the checks and cash and thank everyone? Do we keep them and not give them to my daughter directly? Maybe use them for her college expenses?
I feel bad keeping them, but I am not sure if it is just as rude to mail them back. Whatever we do, she will not send thank-you notes, either. I will have to do that.
It seems to Miss Manners that this is the least of your problems, considering that you have a thoroughly rude and callous daughter.
Ordinarily, it is insulting to return presents, but your guests have already been insulted, and are due abject apologies on your daughter’s behalf, if you must write them. You can return the money with the explanation that as your daughter did not participate in the celebration, you are refusing to let her keep any of it.
Miss Manners does not consider you to be free of responsibility for this fiasco. Leaving aside your duty to teach your daughter manners and consideration for others, there is the question of why you even considered giving a party for someone who hates parties and your willingness to allow guests to make plans that you offered to cancel a week before.
Here is the link to the full article and comments from The Washington Post: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-apologize-for-daughters-absence-at-her-graduation-party/2016/05/26/6cdbb43e-192d-11e6-924d-838753295f9a_story.html
So… what would you do?